Human Merely Being
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9:49 PM
April 15th, 2014

Things I thought but didn’t say
when I told you, Mom, what happened:

  1. I don’t think I’m better now, mama,
    I don’t even know what better is

  2. It’s been six years and sometimes
    it still hurts when people touch me

  3. I stopped feeling safe, and not just there;
    fear’s everywhere for me, mama.

  4. I feel so broken.

  5. Please don’t ask me what I did;
    I froze, I froze. I know
    you thought you raised a fighter, mama,
    I never meant to disappoint you.

  6. I’ve always wanted to protect you
    from having to protect me.

  7. Someone stopped it “soon,” but
    soon was a lifetime later.

  8. Mama, I have told dozens of people
    about this, and you were the hardest.

  9. I’m so sorry, mama; I’m so, so sorry.
7:44 PM
April 15th, 2014

“When people are sexually assaulted,” you said
“they lose the best parts of themselves.”
As I sat there already so broken,
I didn’t realize how much those words hurt
like holding the shards of my heart in my hands and
then having my palms pressed together
so that the jagged edges may tear through my skin.

You lose so much, when it happens.
You lose things you don’t realize until
it’s five years later and you can’t feel comfortable
talking to a therapist, can’t get help, can’t process.
Until your friends decide to go down to the beach
and look at the stars, and you want to scream,
“No, I can’t go! Don’t you get it?! I don’t get to do that!”
so you stay back to engage in your panic attack.
Until someone tells you that you’re pretty
and it sounds like an echo of him.

You lose, I’ve lost, so damn much, but
don’t you dare tell me that these were
the best parts of myself.
I don’t feel safe, I don’t feel strong, I don’t feel pretty;
I think I am broken and paranoid and sometimes unlovable.
But even if you know that, that doesn’t mean
that you know who I was or what I lost.
I take risks and I think all the time and
I get really angry about slavery at three a.m. on a school night
and I can hold a love in my heart
for people that I have never met
and I will fake being brave if I think it will help someone.

So you don’t get to decide
what would’ve been “the best parts of me,”
the parts you so tragically never got to see.
You don’t get to rank or evaluate the significance
of what I lost that night six years ago.
I suppose if I were better, healthier,
I would assert that I wasn’t broken because of it,
but I don’t believe that.
I will tell you that as the shards tumbled out of me
some were bigger than others
and those were the ones that I caught.

So maybe I’m damaged – not that that
makes me so different from you—
but the beauty of being a human means that
that does not make me devalued.

7:27 PM
April 5th, 2014



1:22 AM
April 5th, 2014

I just watched the latest Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and I am nOT OKAY I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND ALL THESE FEELINGS I HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH WITHOUT THIS I SHOULD BE SLEEPING AND NOT CRYING OVER A TV SHOW

MAY BABY

SKYE BABY

FITZ BABY

BABIES

12:42 AM
April 4th, 2014

mymodernmet:

Professional sculptor Stefanie Rocknak beat out 265 other artists from 42 states and 13 countries to create a sculpture honoring author and poet Edgar Allan Poe that will be displayed in Boston, Poe’s birthplace. A five-member artist selection committee decided on Rocknak’s stunning work that shows Poe with a suitcase in hand and a raven in front of him.

11:02 PM
April 1st, 2014

If I ever get engaged, I’m going to make sure that it happens in March. Then I’m going to announce it to people and on Facebook on April 1. Skeptical people will assume that everyone who believes it has been tricked and they’ll be like, “Yeah right, haha, April Fools.”

But the joke will be on them.

6:15 AM
March 31st, 2014

When people are like, “You’re up early.”

No

I am never up early

I am just up very, very late.

6:13 AM
March 31st, 2014

moosefix:

moosefix:

Its amazing what you can accomplish when you don’t want to write an essay 

image

You are a hero among procrastinators 

1:48 AM
March 27th, 2014
kyrafic:

"Never did like that much," is a baller and superb way to express your irritation with the way the patriarchy refuses to acknowledge how badass you are.


kyrafic:

"Never did like that much," is a baller and superb way to express your irritation with the way the patriarchy refuses to acknowledge how badass you are.

(Source: queenundomiel)

11:04 PM
March 25th, 2014

Should I throw shade at this middle aged dude who’s Facebook friends with my mom or…?

10:58 PM
March 25th, 2014
But actually this is a pretty solid demonstration of why I love my mom.


But actually this is a pretty solid demonstration of why I love my mom.

11:51 PM
March 24th, 2014

my-killz:

The whole world has been against her. She’s become more of a punch line than a celebrity. Instead of celebrating with Lindsay about the small victories as you should with any type of addict (my step father was an alcoholic for 10 years) people have joked about how she can’t do it. I would cry too if someone finally told me to celebrate after spending so long being a joke.

(Source: lindsaygifs)

1:05 AM
March 23rd, 2014

MY GRANDPA WANTED TO BE AN ARTIST

honerablerosemary:

BUT HE HAD 7 KIDS AND A WIFE TO FEED SO HE ENDED UP OWNING A GROCERY STORE AFTER SERVING IN WW2

TODAY MY DAD WAS CLEANING THE HOUSE AND FOUND SOME PENCIL DRAWINGS THAT MY GRANDPA DID AND ASKED IF I WANTED TO HAVE THEM AND I

image

CAN WE JUST LOOK AT THIS

image

MY BAD WEBCAM PICTURES DON’T EVEN DO THEM JUSTICE LIKE LOOK AT THESE

image

MY GRANDPA NEVER BECAME A FAMOUS ARTIST

image

BUT I WANT TO MAKE HIM KNOWN

1:05 AM
March 23rd, 2014

backonpointe:

disabledtalk:

weresterlies:

Demi Lovato is going to launch The Lovato Scholarship Program in honor of her father. 

it’s so refreshing to see someone as famous and popular as she is with teen girls be so honest about mental illness

It’s also really refreshing to see a celebrity putting money into getting actual treatment for people, not just vague “awareness”.

Add this to the list of reasons I like her.

(Source: a-c-i-d-k-i-t-t-y)

5:50 AM
March 22nd, 2014
It hurts every day, the absence of someone who was once there.
Marie Lu, Champion (via larmoyante)